A tale of Two Persons

One day a person approached me for help and counseling. He was a pastor and a young graduate from the seminary. He was working under a senior pastor who had been helpful to him earlier but now had turned against him. I suggested that he could choose to leave the church and serve God elsewhere. He informed me that this pastor had offered him a scholarship from the church on the condition that he would serve the church as a junior pastor for five years after he completed his studies.

After working with the senior pastor for three years, the young man told me he would rather die than stay on for another two years. He explained that the senior pastor had been exploiting him by making him to do far too much work. This young pastor would be asked to prepare an article for the monthly bulletin, and then, when the bulletin was printed, he would see the senior pastor’s name under the article. He would be asked to prepare sermon outlines for each Sunday, and the senior pastor would modify the outlines and use them as his own messages.

He went on to outline the pastor’s other bad traits. The more talked, the more angry and hateful he got. He ended his tirade by telling me that he was having problems of ulcers in his stomach and experienced a lot of fatigue.

It requires a tremendous amount of emotional energy to maintain hatred, bitterness, and resentment. I asked the young man whether he believed in the Bible verse that says “All that happens to us is working for our good” (Romans 8:28). He said, he had preached several sermons from the same verse. I asked him whether he agreed to my understanding of this verse, that ‘all that happens’ also included his senior pastor, which would mean that this man whom he hated so much would be of great blessing to him. The young man could not agree that God was using this senior pastor for his blessing and good future. I asked him whether he was not personally benefited by the preparation, research, and studies involved in writing articles for the bulletin and preparing sermons for all the Sundays.

But he didn’t seem to hear me. He just kept on talking about all the mistakes the senior pastor had made. Finally I told him to accept the senior pastor as a precious person sent by God to shape his character and sharpen his abilities. After a long time of discussion, the young pastor agreed to try out what I said.

As we prepared to pray together, I asked him to pray for strength to see the senior pastor as a precious person sent by God and allow God to change his attitude so that he can really praise God for the older man. We closed our eyes, but then the young pastor opened his eyes and said: “You say God is using the senior pastor to produce changes in me. Don’t you think changes are needed in the senior pastor also?”

That is a mistake we often make. While God is using someone on us as a tool to change our attitude and character, we want to see changes in them and at times, we even try to remove them from the scene. This results in a lot of bitterness and hatred. The junior pastor admitted that when he preached, he was trying to preach at the senior pastor in the guise of addressing the whole congregation. I asked him whether he succeeded. He said he was a miserable failure and he could not even enjoy his lunch after the sermon because of the cold response from the older pastor!

I told him that while it would be possible for God to use him or someone else to produce changes in the senior man. He began to weep like a child, and confessed that he had been wrong in his behavior. He had never thought of the other man as God’s tool to bring his life into shape. He confessed his mistakes to God and went back home. Later he wrote me a letter saying that he was reconciled with his senior pastor.  “And”, he wrote, “my health has improved”.

No wonder! When your attitude is changed and the bitterness is gone, your health also improves. I received another letter from the young pastor telling me that he and the senior pastor are enjoying a marvelous ministry together in the same church, and that God had given him a new senior pastor in the same old man! He said he wanted to stay and work under the same person for another twenty years!

When Peace is stronger

Elizabeth gave birth to Sherry, our second son, a few minutes after being taken to the labour room of the hospital. Johny our eldest, was so happy to hear about the birth of his younger brother.

As for my wife and all at home, we were greatly relieved when the mother and child were discharged from the hospital within the normal time period. Elizabeth was in Kerala while I remained in California.

In the early 1970s, I was responsible for setting up and running a nuclear medicine department at Bay Harbour Hospital in Harbor City, California. In the course of my work, I met many of the hospital’s patients and their relatives, as well as a number of clinical and non-clinical staff members. I enjoyed working with these people and tried to provide the best services possible to the community. As a result, I gained the people’s confidence and got to know their lifestyles and values.

While I was away, however, Sherry suddenly developed respiratory problems. He could suck and take in fluid, but only at a low rate. Then he too like Johny, started to get cyanotic attacks because of choking. Soon he developed a respiratory infection that required hospitalization.

The problems multiplied. Johny needed attention at home, and Sherry needed Elizabeth in the hospital. Johny turned three while Sherry was in the hospital. Finally Sherry improved. When it was possible to manage him at home, he was discharged from the hospital. Johny was thrilled to see his brother back home.

It was only a few days later that Sherry developed further breathing difficulties. Suddenly he became breathless and blue and was rushed to the hospital.

Away in California, I was discussing a couple of bone cancer cases with my colleagues when word came that I had a telephone call. The message was a cable, relayed over the telephone, from Kerala. I knew that both of my sons were ill. As I listened to the cable, I heard the news that no parent ever wants to hear: my younger son had died!

After I received the message, I returned to my colleagues to finish the discussion, which took another twenty minutes. When it was over, I told my colleagues about the death of my son.

They were shocked. They couldn’t believe I had come back from this sudden, devasting news to continue participating in our discussion. Their love, empathy, and condolences were expressed by  pin-drop silence. I finally broke that silence by telling the group that I had been able to go on because I had experienced ‘God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. -The peace that keeps your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest’ (Philippians 4:7). It was this peace that gave me the strength to do what I needed to do, despite the terrible loss I had suffered.

There are those who are skeptical about the existence of a ‘peace that transcends all understanding’. New knowledge is being gained every day. In fact, according to one estimate, it would take an average student five years to catch up on all the new discoveries made in a single day. It is practically impossible for the human mind to comprehend something that transcends all understanding.

And yet, at the moment of my greatest need, I experienced such a peace-a peace that kept ‘my thoughts and heart quiet and at rest’. Jesus said, “I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn’t fragile like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid” (John 14:27).

When I finally left my colleagues, I wanted to find out the details of my child’s death. In those days it was difficult to get telephone connection to our hometown in Kerala. I booked an overseas call to Tiruvalla, my hometown in India, thinking that I might get through during the night. I reminded the overseas operator about my pending call after I had eaten my evening meal.

In a few minutes, I heard my telephone ringing. I answered it eagerly, hoping it was my wife. But it was a local call from a troubled man I had helped and encouraged. He was going through a difficult time, struggling with feelings of depression, and he asked if I would counsel him.

After talking to me for more than thirty minutes, he thanked me and asked me to pray for him. I prayed a short prayer. As I was saying good night, I asked him to pray for me, too.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“This morning I received a cable message from home in India, informing me that my younger son has died. I’ve booked a telephone call to speak to my wife and will appreciate your prayers that the call will go through soon”, I explained.

Suddenly he began to weep like a baby. “Your problem is bigger than mine”, he said, “but you took so much of your valuable time to help me. It seems you even forgot that you were waiting for the overseas call”. He continued weeping.

“The God who enabled me to help you is able to solve all your problems”, I responded. I did not begrudge the time I spent talking with this man. I knew that if we nurse only our own wounds, we will not be able to see the wounds of others. And that is what Christ call us to: to heal the wounds of others.

I told the weeping man to trust God and not to worry. God was not only going to take care of his needs but was also going to bless others through him. In fact, I was strengthened by taking the time to help another who was in pain.

My call to India went through around midnight, and before going to bed I thanked the Lord for all He had done in my life that day.

What a wonderful God we have… the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? so that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort that God has given us (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

God tenderly comforts us when we suffer. Even more He helps us to use such times to apply what He has taught us. We know that this world is full of suffering. We encounter many opportunities to help others with the courage we gain from our own afflictions.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know they are good for us- they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and help us to trust God more, every time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady ( Romans 5:3-4).

PAIN WITH A PURPOSE

I have learned from C.S. Lewis that pain is not pain when we see the purpose in it. We also know that pain without purpose is paralyzing.

In India we have many educated unemployed youths in spite of the fact that a number of them have gone to work in Middle Eastern countries. Just assume that one of them came to me one day, when I was looking for someone to run an errand quite far away. Assume that no vehicles were allowed on the road that day (In India we call such days, ‘Hartal’). Now, suppose I wanted this young man to walk all the way, for six or seven hours at night, while heavy rains were pouring down, to collect an envelope containing some important documents. He would have to walk with an umbrella and flashlight all night.

The odds are that this young man would ask me why I had not asked him to go the previous day when he could have used a vehicle. Or he probably he would ask if the errand could wait until the next day. I respond that he must do as I ask: go and collect the envelope that very night.

Imagine him, walking in the dark, getting soaked in the rain, and cursing me. He might curse me even more if he stumbled into a ditch. He would be very upset if his sandal straps broke. He would consider that particular trip a real trial. He might even think I purposely allowed him to suffer.

Now assume that, before the young man left, I told him that, along with the envelope, he would be given a job offer, along with visa papers for him to go to one of the countries in the Persian Gulf. Now how will he react during that night trip? He probably won’t mind the troubles at all. He might even run all night. And if he hurts his foot, he will rub the pain away, thinking of the job waiting for him. If he breaks his sandal straps, he will only think of buying a better pair when he has the money.

The Bible says: “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will give us later” (Romans 8:18). When you know you suffer for a purpose, your entire perspective is different. Remember, the central goal of our life is to glorify God. We cannot glorify God in our own strength. He must empower us by taking away our sinful nature, then giving us what He requires of us.